Saturday, 21 May 2011

The world is ending? Sure & squirrels will be God... Zombie survival tips!

Hey all...
So as I type this I am apparently in my last hour... APPARENTLY at 10pm tonight (21st May 2011, Australian time)... The world will end... Or something along the lines of that. I'm not 100% sure of the specifics... But I've heard a few times, 6pm, 6:30pm & the latest 10pm & then someone also said some early hour of tomorrow morning!? Like really, you think if this guy was serious about this he would pin point a time!!
Do I believe this!? Umm... Not really. I have a slight interest like 'ooo it may happen', but honestly I highly doubt it... Supposedly this guy 'Harold Camping' added up numbers from the bible or something (see I knew math was evil!!) & worked it out, but he was wrong in 1994 & I will bet he is wrong again!
So anyway apparently I've heard the only people left on earth are those who don't believe in God & zombies!? (umm... so does this mean zombies already exist? or will they just pop up out of the ground once we all leave!?) Like really how far fetched is this!?
So JUST in case we somehow miss roll call & don't make into heaven & get stuck down here with a bunch of zombies & non-God lovers I thought I would humour myself and compile a list of 'how to survive a zombie apocalypse list': (Yes I'm sorry for the times Libbi I've mocked your Zombie theories...LOL)
  • Ok there are 3 main types of Zombies.
  • A 'natural zombie': These ones poison victims with a poison puffer fish use & you pretty much become their slave... Aren't the most dangerous of zombies...
  • A 'Supernatural zombie': These ones are more possessed. They could be helpful zombies possessed by 'angelic spirits'... But then they could be demonic!! A gun is pretty much useless in this situation, best to keep a spiritual leader handy as they can offer the best advice...
  • The most common type (apparently) is the 'Alien zombie': They are the ones that bite people to create more zombies, bodily wounds wont affect them. If you want to kill them, shoot them in the head, destroying their brain!!
  • Make sure you do your hair cute but practical (like a cute messy pony tail or bun!) and carry a small easy to apply supply of make-up... Just the necessities... Moisturizer with sunscreen, concealer, foundation, powder, mascara, lip gloss, maybe a simple eyeshadow!! If you are out there by yourself you could always attract another civilian to help you. **Remember no one will help you if you look like a zombie!!!**
  • A good weapon to carry is a flame thrower; zombies don't like fire & you can destroy a few at a time!! YAY
  • Best bet though is to carry a gun. The bigger & more powerful (whilst being easy to handle) is the best! (and make sure you take lots of ammunition as whilst standing still you maybe able to hit a man sized target easy but in a war-like situation it will be more difficult, therefore you will use more ammo!!)
  • Also take unique weapons, high heels will hurt & maybe injure a zombie if you stab it into their eye and twist (you may hit their brain!?), deodorant sprayed into it's eyes may scare it, nail files & knitting needles could also be shoved into eye sockets/ears to try and pierce the brain... Think outside the box ladies!! Pretty much if it isn't allowed on a plane, take it with you!!!
  • Carry basic supplies... Pretty much anything you would take camping/hiking is handy. Check out my hiking blog on 'what to pack' for a list!!
  • Head somewhere cold, zombies apparently hate the cold!! So pack up the kids/pets & head somewhere chilly!
  • Shipping containers are apparently the only zombie proof thing. Head to your nearest port and claim one ASAP!! (*And bonus, they are often full of awesome goodies!!)
  • Disguise yourself as a zombie (use light blue/grey/light green eye shadows all over yourself to create a corpse look!! And pretty much look out on your street & just mimic your local zombies appearance!!) & live freely amongst the freaks. But be careful not to slip up!!
So guys in case you haven't picked up on this, I really know not a lot about Zombies, some of these tips come from a simple Google search (bet you can pick the Bindy style ones!!)!! This blog was a joke!! I really doubt we will be struck by a Zombie Apocalypse!! But hey a few tips can't go astray!! Now I'm not fully certain on what time this 'world ending' business is all meant to go down. It's 9:42pm here now & if reports are right I have less than half an hour left... But then I've also been told that it's meant to happen 6pm American time on the 21st of May 2011?! Like seriously, I'm sure America has a bunch of different time zones!! How damn confusing is this!!
But whilst we are all making crazy predictions, I'll jump on 'Harold Camping's' band wagon, I predict the whole world will worship Lord Squirrel in the future (you will all meet him in coming blogs - see I'm talking about the future... the world won't end. It can't I get married soon!!)...
So anyway my loves, what are your thoughts on this craziness!? What are your wacky predictions for the future?!
I hope we all survive, I will almost guarantee we all will!! But in case for some freak reason we don't, I love you all & thank you for reading my blog!!
Stay safe & watch out for zombies!!
Love you all!!

XoXo.
B.

2 comments:

  1. HAHAHA love this!
    squirell Lord? i like the sounds of that. he sound cute and fluffy and friendly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooo he is kind of like a typical 'Lord' pretty scary looking not the fluffiest of my squirrel collection LOL... ;)
    Stay safe xo

    ReplyDelete

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