Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Developing the negatives...

Life is like photography, you develop from the negatives...

I like that quote, I like it a lot. This is kind of how I viewed life when I was 'younger' & honestly it is still how I see life. I've been through some pretty 'shit' times, no joke. There are times in my life where I thought, ‘no one in this whole world understands me, I have no friends, my parents do not understand, I will never find the right person to be with & seriously no one would even notice that I'm not there.’ There are times I contemplated ending my life. But I couldn't. I couldn't end something that had only barely begun. I couldn't leave my family wondering what they did wrong, feeling that sense of loss, devastation & failure. I just couldn't bring myself to be that selfish, to end my life because school was that 'shit'.
I now look back on those times in my life I know I am now stronger because of them. Those times in school where I couldn't imagine life getting any worse, but it would. But then it also got better. And at the end of the day, it's school. Everyone does stuff they aren't proud of and pray they could erase, but they can't. You grow from what you do. The negative shit times make us stronger. But it wasn't just school. There were times when I had just moved out of home I didn't really have any friends in a new town, I felt lost, I got mixed up with some dodgy people, I wasn't living my ideal life and I was pretty down. But things got better. They always do. Life can be really ugly sometimes but the trick I like to do is to notice the smaller beautiful things (this is why I love doing Project 365.) Life is so full of beauty & sometimes you just have to look really hard to see the positive of a bad situation or the beauty in a crap day. They are often there- you just have to really look hard sometimes!
So what is with the self-reflective blog today!? Well I know 'Bindyland' is meant to be a happy, magical place where shit always sparkles, but this morning as I spoke to a friend she mentioned I do a blog on suicide. I know a bit of a touchy/depressing topic. But I couldn't turn this down, especially since one of the most common age group for suicide is my age group of 20-34. That is scary. Guys are more likely to commit suicide, with females being more likely to self harm (78% of suicide victims are men & 22% are female, 62% of people hospitalized in 2003-2004 were female.) So when asked I knew I had to write this blog. If I can help one person, I will be happy. Knowing that if one person reads this & reaches out to a help line, a friend, me, anyone & chooses life over crushing out their future, I did the right thing. I could maybe help someone.
So in my home town of Ipswich I know a fair few people (I lived there for 14 years) and over the past few months I've noticed an alarming trend. Every few weeks there are Facebook status's with 'R.I.P .... taken to soon'. Young people are ending their lives. Crushing out their futures like old cigarettes. I can't explain why, or what is causing it. But I know I am not the only one who has noticed it becoming more prevalent. I wrote on my Facebook blog page (go here to LIKE this blog) questioning whether or not I should cover this topic, the feedback was great. Not only did people encourage I do it, but my inbox was flooded with people telling me their own stories about friends, family or even times they've felt down & felt like there was no other way out.
Now when I speak to my friends who have lost their friends & I offer my condolences one of the first things they say is that they feel terrible, they thought this person was fine. They were always a happy, outgoing & nice person. Sometimes people who decide to end their lives normally have a whole plan in their head & sometimes there is nothing anyone can do to change it. No one left behind should ever feel guilty. I know that is easier said than done, I have never experienced this sense of loss thankfully. But I know if something happened to someone I loved & I know it could've been prevented not a lot could be said for me not to feel guilt or anger or frustration. I think my biggest tip & for those that have asked, what should I do? I feel like I could've done something... I say talk, find someone to talk to, either call a help line, seek professional help or write. Write a letter to your friend, express your frustration. Clearly you will never post the letter, but put all your feelings into it. And then keep it or burn it or do what you wish. But leaving feelings bottled up inside of you is dangerous & not good.
Now when we think of suicide we know it's bad & that it is a common trend in today's society, but how common? Suicide is a prominent public health concern, with the average number of people dying each year from this preventable issue being around 2,050. The rate of suicide has decreased since the 1990's, but it seems it is back on the rise. (Finding recent statistics for suicide & death is quiet difficult as it often takes 2-3 years for statistics to be processed from coroners.)
What can we do to help each other? If you notice a work friend, a family member, or someone you care about kind of having a rough day or moment be genuine & lend your support. Simply asking “are you ok?” can often help. RUOK? Day is a foundation set up to try and change lives. Simply by asking this small sentence and showing genuine interest and care in someone’s life could help someone. Someone may feel they are so lost & they have nowhere else to turn & by you reaching out could really help them. There is a whole host of help lines & organizations set up to help people through tough times. If you or someone you know is having a hard time it is a good decision to make the step to seek help. Some important phone numbers & websites are;
To my friends, my readers and to anyone that stumbles upon this blog. Please if you are having a bad day, if you really cannot see your life getting better, if you feel lost, alone or just over life- I beg you to reach out. Speak to anyone. Just get help, because I guarantee you nothing is ever that bad it can't be fixed. Life gets really ugly for everyone and sometimes you feel like you are in a hole you can't climb out of, but find that last bit of strength inside of you and pull yourself out of the darkness.

If you have lost someone close to you & it is hard for you to deal with I urge you to seek help, because keeping feelings pushed down inside isn't good. People have different ways of expressing their feelings & grief. Find yours. It could be exercise, art, writing, cooking, anything that you can channel your feelings into can be a positive. But remember the best thing to sometimes help move on from a death, a disaster or a major loss is to verbalize it. Talk to someone you trust. It could be a doctor, someone on the phone at a help line, a neighbor, a friend, a family member and sometimes even talking to your pet just to get the feelings out can help.
To everyone please never be afraid to cry, crying sometimes makes everything better. Or go stand in the shower and relax your muscles and just let the hot water release the tension that gets built up when we are sad & stressed. Bury your face in a pillow and scream really loud. Buy a punching bag & gloves or go for a run. Or just hug someone you care about, even if it just your teddy bear. I guarantee you if you are feeling alone & lost in this world, there is one person in this world that loves you. Everyone has someone. It could be a friend, family, dude it may even be your pet. But someone loves & cares for you and often there is someone who needs you in this world.
If you have someone in your life that you can't live without go and tell them, text them, Facebook/Tweet them, call them, go visit them. But let them know now you love & need them. They may think you are a random idiot, but if they are feeling down you could save them. A reminder of how much you care for them or need them, could brighten their day.
Once again (I know I am repeating myself)...
If you really feel there is no escape or you can't get out of a bad situation I once again urge you to make a call to these hot lines, especially in a case of domestic abuse. Trained people can help you make a plan & help you get out. Ending your life is never the answer. It may seem like the only escape, but it isn't. Children need their parents and parents need their children.
 Once again if you feel trapped, alone, scared, depressed, anything that makes you consider ending your life, please call someone. Please take a step back and realize what you have to live for.
I have a friend who is so inspiring to me; she has overcome all the odds and is so great. I feel so lucky to have had my life, I feel terrible for complaining about my life when I know what she has been through. She could've really just went with the flow of her life & turned into someone who is reliant on drugs, she could've just 'got pregnant' & relied on the Government or even ended her life because she had nearly every reason under the sun too. She never really had a stable home environment, she was out of home from when she was a young teenager, she never had a lot of money, she was just in some really ugly situations & she overcame it all. She now has graduated university, has her own place decked out with her own furniture and her own things, she works, she has a stable relationship & she is a brilliant & classy member of society. Like really she has made her life something. She has built gold from shit pretty much. I admire her so much. She could've chosen a few different easier options in her life. But she strived to be fabulous and dude she is.
So please if you feel your life is 'not worth living' search for the thing that sparkles. You may have to dust it off & polish it. But it is there. There are people who care whether you are here & if you need help or someone to talk, please reach out. There is always someone there who cares.
I care for every single one of my readers and if you ever need someone to talk feel free to email me or contact me via Facebook or Twitter. I love you all & appreciate you all so very much!


  1. Glad to see it made the page :)


  2. Awesome blog Bindy! There is no other feeling/grief in the world like there is when a, in my case, baby brother, commits suicide. It's been 15 years last month since I lost him, and i'm still not "over it".


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