Sunday, 27 February 2011

Life blog...

Hey everyone,
OK... So this week I've been a little slack on the blog front, SORRY!! I do have a really good hair one coming up though (how to grow your hair long & just how to keep it healthy tips!!) So I hope you all love that... Let me know (comment, Facebook or Twitter me) any suggestions you have for blogs you will like to read... Oh & I am also currently working on a new layout which explains this average looking one!! LOL... Sorry! It'll look better again soon!
This blog is kind of a venting letter to people who keep being hurtful in my life. What we all do is of our own doing, no one forces us to make the choices we make. And we all stuff up (& it happens...) we can either accept the fact we were wrong, own our mistake, apologise & move on. But lately I've noticed some people find it very difficult to own their mistakes & say sorry. And so they continue on making more & more stuff ups & one day they will make a really big mistake and maybe then they wont have anyone left to come back too. Because if you continue hurting people and pushing them away at some point those people will throw their hands in the air & say 'fine'. And normally by that stage you've also crossed the line that it maybe too hard for them to forgive you. But honestly, it's never to late to seek forgiveness or change. It's never to hard to stand up & say 'I'm sorry, I was wrong' & try to ask for forgiveness... But at some point one day it maybe to late to try and mend the bridges you burnt. You don't want to test time, you want to mend things & change now. But I guess everyone is different.
I don't know if it was the whole turning 20 thing for me & leaving behind my teenage years, but when I turned 20 something clicked. I had to move on, Rockhampton was dragging me down & I knew living there I would only just continue to make more & more stupid mistakes, I had to move on. I left, I moved back home & I tried my best to be a better person... I met Trent & well the rest is kind of history (read more in depth blogs on my life before & when I met Trent Here #1 & Here #2) Anyway, the point I am trying to make is you can keep blaming people for your own mistakes & hating others for pointing out your mistakes, but at the end of the day you HAVE to own your mistakes. You have to say 'well I really e'fed up there, I'm sorry'. And you have to work out what is important in your life. What your values & morals are. What you stand for. I value a few things in life, first is my family. I will love them & want to be apart of their lives forever. No one is ever worth leaving your family for. And if someone lets you leave your family for them, they are a scum bag, because no one should ever expect you to leave your family & a decent person would know that. There are a few more after that but 'family' is my main one as is love, honesty & well I also value my pets! Lol.
So where is this thought stream coming from, well lately some  really ugly family stuff has been happening. If you are on my Facebook or a friend of mine you know what I'm talking about. But to sum it up, some people don't give a crap about family & seem to think they don't need us. Which is fine, as I said at the start of this, everyone makes their own choices. It just makes me so mad that one person constantly time & time again wishes to inflict the same stupid pain on my family. It's just like we have hit the rewind button & this is all happening again like it did 5 years ago. Honestly, learn from your mistakes. Also I've been told that I may have upset someone on my Twitter account by publicly calling out what I hope was a mistake they made (because if they did it purposely, well you kiss the chance of you ever getting my forgiveness away). My dear, you can deny hurting my Mother physically all you want, I'm the one who had to take her to the doctor & watch her be in pain. I guess it's easier hurting someone then running away so you don't have to deal with the  guilt... Answer this, what kind of person hurts their own family constantly? You seem to do it A LOT, with physical (because you are so tough) & emotional pain!... One day you may just hurt us to much & we will just give up. I don't want that day to come, I want you in our lives but you need to wake up & own what you've done & say sorry... It's not hard, but I know anything to do with you admitting you are wrong is like hell freezing over.
Anyway... Family is family. Everyone has issues, no ones family life is perfect. But there are certain situations that can be very easily avoided & are totally unnecessary. I just wish people would own their mistakes, apologise (if this happens I will be very surprised, as we are still waiting for an 'I'm sorry' from the last time this lame crap happened) & just GROW UP. Family will always be more important to me than anything else, obviously to others we are on the lower end of the importance stick. Which is sad. I don't know why others find it necessary to always hurt, be mean & cut people out of their lives, especially when the people you are hurting have ALWAYS loved you, ALWAYS forgiven you, ALWAYS helped you out & ALWAYS been there. But time will tell... Maybe you will one day magically turn around and see what is slipping away & want to grab on to it & save it & we will be OK again. But I'm not holding my breath. I can't expect that much from you. But maybe you will (& I pray you do) surprise me & change. But then there is a chance you will continue leading your life the way it is, putting down others, criticizing other peoples life choices but then going out & doing the exact same thing (or better yet worse). And I would just like to reinforce that, nothing I've EVER done will ever compare to what you've now done, NOTHING. When you are in high school, you can write off stupid mistakes as exactly that, stupid mistakes, everyone makes mistakes when they are teenagers. When you pass 20 & are pretty much 21, your mistakes count. What you've done now is an adult mistake. So don't even try to compare anything I've done to what you are doing now, none of it adds up. I was grown up by the age you are now & done making silly mistakes, clearly you are late bloomer.
I am praying for you, for you to see what you will be missing out on, for you to want change, for you to always know that we love you & will always be here for you. But if you keep treating us like we are disposable, well maybe one day you wont have anyone left to come back to when it all goes sour.
I Love you, you know that. Even though you go around writing & claiming we hate you. I don't hate you right now, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly hate you. I am dissappointed, hurt, upset & well I was furious at you. But that all dies down & all that is left is love... You know that. So I love you, I don't really LIKE you right now. But love always wins. Stop hurting the people that love you. Be kind to them, because when it comes down to the tough stuff, family is really all you often have left... No one is ever worth hurting your family over...  I hope you realise that sooner rather than later....
XoXo.
B.

PS: SORRY guys for such a depressing blog, I promise this is the end of it. I just had to put it out there... <3 Love you all... Writing this blog really makes me much more appreciative of the life I have & really puts my life into perspective for me. I know I have great life & I try to remain 110% positive all the time (TRY to!) & I feel very lucky to be in my position, but sometimes I need to vent. So thank you to anyone that actually read all of this!! xx

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