Sunday, 19 December 2010

Forgetting someone is letting someone die.

Hey all,
Well this post is just a short one, but one that is too remember my Pop. The other day it was the 10 year anniversary that he passed away, today (19/12/10) 10 years ago we said goodbye to him, this day is also his birthday (today I believe he would be 82)... So 10 years ago, I was 12. A lot has changed since back then, but honestly I can still remember so much from those few days. I remember the sadness, the sense of loss, the anger, the frustration & around that time I kind of put believing in any form of God out the window. I shut that whole concept out completely for a fair few years. Now being a little more 'grown' & having had a fair few years to think things through, I've once again made peace with God (or whoever is there, someone obviously is). I think when people we love are taken from us (& some are gone far to early) that they remain still with us. My family recently this year lost my Dads Grandmother (my Great Grandma), around the time of her passing I found two really beautiful quotes (with some editing by myself) that I feel reflects exactly how I feel about death.
  • 'Today we say goodbye to you, but we wont forget you. You are still here with us & live on in our memories. ♥ We love you, watch over us forever please... x'

  • 'The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hands of God. ♥ R.I.P. ♥ Death only really happens, when someone is forgotten. We'll never forget you. You are loved & we miss you. xx'
I believe that when someone close to us passes on, they remain around us. Still here in spirit, to maybe guide & try to protect us. I think from me shutting out any form of belief in any type of God or any spiritual belief for so many years I really lost my sense of guidance from anyone that could've been watching over me. I really made some big errors in my teenage life, ones that I'm not proud of & would change if I had my time over. But now after being once again at peace with God (or whoever) I feel like my life has a sense direction. I feel where I am right now in my life is exactly where I am meant to be. I think our lost loved ones try to still be there with us when they aren't relaxing in heaven. So Pop (if by chance heaven has the interent & you've learnt how to use it) my wedding is the 30th of July 2011 at 1pm, I know you will be there.
Speaking of my wedding, the church (St. Mary's Catholic Church in Ipswich) is where I will be married, now I've walked down that aisle a few times before. I use to alter serve in primary school (carrying the cross down the aisle in front of the priest etc) when Pop passed away I had just finised grade 7 & that year had done my communion at St. Marys' (Pop couldn't come as he was sick). He had asked if anything should happen that my sister & I alter serve at the funeral (which was held at St. Marys'). We did. It was honestly one of the most difficult things I've ever done, I was so upset, but I wanted to do it. I wore my beautiful communion dress & I alter served & tried my hardest to be really strong. So as far as I can remember that was one of the last times I really was in that Church. It's a beautiful church & it holds a lot of memories for me from my schooling years, attending church with my family, alter serving etc. Saying goodbye to Pop is one of the main ones though, but getting married there it will feel like he is kind of there. It won't neccesarily make me sad coming back into that church, I know Pop would be proud I am having a full catholic wedding, I will feel more like he is there watching over us all. I know my Mum very much so misses him (as we all do) but I know I would be lost without my Dad, so I feel quiet sad for her as they were very close & he really loved her so much. I know he is still with us in some form watching over us, especially Mum & really being her guardian angel & taking care of her. Thanks Pop. x
My Pop & me on my 1st birthday (I think...)
My Nin & Pop hanging out with Nikki & I
Pop watching over me on my 6th birthday, I like to think he is still there. <3
*There were some  more recent photos of Pop & I, but they are at my parents house & I don't have a scanner sorry!*

Death really would have to be in everyones top 3 fears. I don't really fear me dying I fear my loved ones dying... I don't know what I would do if someone I loved was taken to early. I know as our parents/grandparents/pets all get older we have to realise 'dying' happens. It's bound to happen sooner or later sadly enough to us all & the ones we love. Being prepared is something we can try to do, but honestly I could never prepare myself for losing someone I love. We have an old stumpy tail cattle dog 'Rebel', he is a great dog but he is 15 soon (in HUMAN years) & I constantly try to tell Mum to prepare herself as soon he may go (I also try to remind myself of this)... But even though he is just a dog, he has been there for us since we were kids & always protected us. He really is a lovely (a little nuts) but still wonderful dog!

Reb-dog 14 & still going strong. Love you Rebel
Rebel & me <3
Our blue dog - Rebel. I do have some 'younger' Rebel photos, but they are stored on my laptop until I get my external hard drive (shoot, should've added that to the wish list for Santa!)

So today, I remember saying goodbye to my Pop, but not forever we just said goodbye to him physically, spiritually I believe he is still with us when we need him &  he always keeps an eye on us. And when we don't need him he is probably in heaven doing something to do with football & cracking jokes to Jesus. Pop we miss you being here with us, but we know you are still here, we just wish we could get a hug every now & then... We love you.
♥ Death only really happens, when someone is forgotten. We'll never forget you. You are loved & we miss you. xx




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